They
landed on the East Coast of America and needed to
decide where to settle. How about
Massachusetts? No, there were too many Irish
there. New York. No, to many Italians.
New Hampshire, nein, too many bloody English.
They travelled west and eventually arrived at their
land of dreams, a home away from home
The
Assmann clan flourished on the farmlands of Iowa.
Eventually along came your Dad Michael who met and
fell in love with Mary Anne and they soon became man
and wife. There was not much to do on the long
cold nights in Iowa so subsequently the family grew
to proportions that would give the Von Trapps a run
for their money
Your
parents decided that enough was enough, so no more
babies. However, one day your Mom was working
in the barn when your Dad wandered in. Your
Mom could never understand what came over your Dad
but he had to have her there and then in the barn
Nine
months later, you arrived. They had definitely
saved the best until last. From the minute you
were born you were very much a Daddy's boy and you
copied everything he did
You
missed your Dad so much every day when he would
leave the house to go out and work on the farm.
You were not much fun to be around when your Dad
wasn't home.
Your
Mom had had enough of your long face so she told
your Dad to take you with him when he was going out
to work. Your Dad swept you up and off you
went. But being a typical man, he never gave
any thought as to things you would need being out of
the house for so long
Your
Dad was very resourceful though, he was always known
to improvise, he wouldn't let a bit of shit beat him
Your
Dad was also a joker, one day he told you that a
pig's snout was made of candy and of course you
believed him and couldn't wait to try it
Your
Dad thought it was the funniest thing he had ever
seen, he even bought a pig facemask so he could
describe what you did to all who would listen to him
You
had spent the day playing with Elly-Lou from the
next farm and your Dad knew he would have to have a
serious talk with you when you came home and asked
him where she hid her udders!
Your
Dad told you to go up to the field and to watch what
happens between the bulls and the cows but he told
you to make sure that they didn't see you, so you
decided to do as your Dad would do and you
improvised
The
time came for you to spread your wings, there was a
great big world out there for you to explore so you
and your Dad got to work in custom making some
transport for you. When you were done, with a
wave and smile you were on your way
You
couldn't make up your mind what you wanted to do
when one day you were walking past the cinema when a
poster caught your eye. There it was, there
was your calling, that is what you wanted to do, you
wanted to be a PT instructor!
However, when you joined the line to enlist you got
in the wrong queue and you ended up becoming an
engineer in the United Stated Air Force. After
your had completed your training, you were star
struck when you saw who was there to salute you into
the military
Now
Saddam was having a whale of a time. War?
What War? Turn up the music, I love the
Village People, it's fun to stay at the YMCA......
Word
soon got out that you were on your way.
Finally Saddam heard that you were coming over.
His reaction, hey I am outta here!!
When
you got there, your CO thought it would be a good
morale and team building exercise if you all grew a
moustache. You take such a pride in all that
you do it was no surprise that you made sure your
team were outright winners of this initiative
One
night when you had nothing to do you happened to be
in a chat room and we met. I fell in love with
you almost immediately, I just knew that you had
been the one I had been looking for, and then when
you sent me your picture, your Mona Lisa smile
captivated my heart completely
I
loved spending time with you but it was proving
difficult so I asked you to build us a home we could
share. You made a nice cosy lounge where I
could spend my evenings writing letters to you
And of
course, you made sure we had a cosy and comfortable
bedroom where I could spend the whole night,
laughing with you, talking with you and of course
loving you
You
were the organiser of the barbecues and one day you
thought you would give the guys a special treat.
You knew the guys missed female company so you
invited some of the local women to the next
barbecue, you couldn't understand why it had not
been a success
The
pressures were beginning to get to the men.
They had even taken to sneaking around Iraq writing
graffiti on the walls but the problem was nobody had
a clue what it meant!
You
had completed your tour of duty and it was time for
you to go back home. You boarded the plane,
American Airlines was not what it used to be
Everybody was delighted to have you back home.
Well, that is not strictly true there was one member
of the family who was not smiling that you were
back. The dog knew that you would be taking
over grooming responsibilities
The
guys found out that it is your birthday, so there is
no way they could let the day pass without getting
you cake for your special day
The
problem is that when they lit the candles, there was
a state wide red alert, they thought the California
wild fires had spread to New Mexico
They
invited a special guest to your party who was keen
to show off his latest talents. Hey, a guy has
to make a living after being fired as Defence
Secretary
So
Love, I hope you enjoyed my little spoof this is
your life. Now you know if you were here with
me today, this is how I would serve up your birthday
cake
So go
ahead Babe, get down there and eat your cake making
sure you lick up every last bit
So
there you have it my Love, I hope you have a
wonderful birthday, I would give everything to be
there with you on this special day, but know this, I
love you with all my heart and I always will
